…my precious.

*cough*

Um…that was weird. Moving on.

Well, today I have a very awesome announcement to make! Yes, the day of reckoning…I mean rejoicing is here! Yep.

Oh, you want to know what it is that you are to be rejoicing about? Why today marks the ending of part one of my current comic book project! Yay! NOW REJOICE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!!!

*sigh* What the fondling ladybugs was that? Is that how you people rejoice? That’s…that’s horrible. Well, as per our contractual agreement declared in the terms of use of my website I now have to kill you all for your pitiful display of joy. So sor-Wait. What’s this? Oh, I have been just been told by my team of legal advisers that the terms of use for my site does not have such a clause, so I guess that means you will all live to see another day. Dammit. Good for nothing legal team. What the Hell do they do all day, if not putting life threatening clauses in my terms of use? I mean granted they are just a waste basket, a compass, and a sock puppet, but what do I pay them for! Wait. That’s right. I also don’t pay them. Must be damn interns. Curse you free labor! CURSE YOU! Read the rest of this entry »

…bash yourself over the head with a traffic cone.

Continue to do so until you lose consciousness. Believe me, you’ll be doing us all a favor.

Well, all has been going well that can go well. The new full-time job is keeping me busy as ever. I was recently blessed with more responsibilities, as in more work. I guess they felt I was enjoying my new job too much. Though perhaps it could be how this big office bosses show their affection toward their workers. If that is the case, I must say I have mixed feelings about our relationship if this is how things are going to progress. Can’t they just show their affection by giving me more money like my drunk grandmother does? No? Damn. Well, I can’t really complain. This job is inching me ever so close to funding my plans for world domination with each passing day. Like a fat turd slowly inching towards freedom. Sweet, smelly freedom. Only to join with it’s fecal comrades in you septic tank in an effort to rise against you for cruelly flushing them away. Until the day comes that they back up your sewage and burst forth from your porcelain throne to cast you down. At which point you furiously mop the floor clean of shit that is spewing out from the fecal fountain that was once your toilet. Yep. I’ve seen it happen…on an infomercial…once. Man was that woman scrubbing furiously. Read the rest of this entry »

…just remember it’s all according to God’s plan.

Unfortunately for us, God is the worst planner in the history of the universe. Sometimes I really wonder if that chubby, grey bearded, old fart really has a plan at all. Seems like he’s making up as he goes along. Lazy bastard. However, it’s probably in my best interest that God often neglects his children. Otherwise, my plans for world domination would likely not have progressed as far as they have. Yeah. It’s a good thing. Personally, I don’t even think the guy is really there at all, but all these people seem so convinced. How can that many people be wrong? I mean it would be preposterous to accuse that many people of being that stupid. Right? Oh…oh wait that’s right. Most of you are pretty dumb. Oh well. I’m sure God exists in the way Santa exists. He is really just your Dad. All drunk and sneaking about in a bath robe to ensure you still believe. Sorry, to tell you like this, but it’s all mostly 130% true…I think. Read the rest of this entry »

…at me like that?

I know I have not posted a new blog in what imagine in your addictive little minds must have been an eternity. Yes. I know. It has been an eternity for me a well. Constantly unable to share my profound insanity with the online masses. Building up… with… congestion. About to explode. I even came very close to doing so a few times. Could of been messy, and possibly quite rude. It was not my choice to have thing progress so far and so terribly. No. I was contracted into this arrangement as a result of a tactical decision. One that I could not find a viable alternative to. So that is why I have not been able to pound the keyboard repeatedly, until the random strings of letters and symbols began to shift from a mash of characters into a language of its own, and post it onto the internet. However, I have scheduled this small span of time, that is to say now, to do so. Read the rest of this entry »